So We're Getting Married

So, I’m getting married.  In a way it’s a thrown together, shotgun wedding. In another way this wedding has been a long time coming.  A mere four weeks and two days ago Jeff “officially” proposed (that story to come later) and this Saturday we’ll be married.

I know a lot of people are wondering how all this came about as we haven’t widely advertised our relationship. I’m writing this post as an attempt to fill in all the pieces.

Jeff and I met in May of 2011 and he immediately felt an attraction. I, on the other hand, took a little longer to feel anything.  Jeff pursued me for about three months and I eventually was convinced to give him a chance.  We had our first official “date” on August 11 of 2011. To be totally and completely honest our relationship has been rocky almost from the start due to both our own stubbornness and selfishness and the disapproval of my parents.

Last year ended horribly for us and I really did not see us being together in 2012. So much of the end of last year and the beginning of this year is a blur to me.  I think so much happened that it’s hard to remember everything and also that to a certain extent my mind doesn’t want to remember so I’ve just blocked it out.  All I can say about that time is that a lot of mistakes were made by both Jeff and I and we hurt a lot of people along the way including each other. 

Somehow, we survived all of the mess and in February Jeff moved back to North Carolina.  I moved up here in March to be closer to him.  Since March God has been working in both of our lives and  growing and changing us.  We have been forced to deal with a lot of things in our lives from our stubbornness, pride and selfishness to the hurt that we’ve caused for a lot of people.  We were blessed to find a wonderful church family who has really come beside and help us work through our problems.  And by the grace of God here we still stand. We’re far from perfect and every day is a new struggle to do right and repair the wrongs that we have done. But we have seen God do tremendous things in our life.

I really can’t give an answer as to why we’re still together today.  There are so many times that our relationship should have ended or been too damaged to repair.  I don’t know how we’ve made it here, but I do know that we have learned that every day is a choice to love each other.  The feelings and emotions aren’t always there. In a way I think that all the crap we’ve been through has taught us some very valuable lessons about loving through the hard times and loving just to love and not because we’re receiving any kind of pleasure. I’m not to the point to say that I don’t regret our past or that I wouldn’t change certain things…I’m far too human for that. I have learned in a very real way that God is sovereign over our lives. In spite of our stupid, horrible choices He still works in a way to bring Himself glory. 

Our story isn’t entirely sad…we’re getting married Saturday! There have been so many special moments throughout our relationship that are precious to me. I wouldn’t change those times for anything in the world and they are sweet memories that I will carry until the day I die. It amazes me that we have made it this far, but we have! I can honestly say that I cannot wait to walk down the aisle on Saturday.

And my sweet Jeff…I can’t say enough about him.  He’s made some big mistakes and he is the first to tell you that. But he serves a bigger God who takes those mistakes and removes them as far as the east is from the west.  I’ve seen the transformation that has taken place in Him over the last year and the humble, godly man he is now is the man I always knew was there.  I am completely secure in committing the rest of my life to him. 

So that’s our story in a nutshell.  The man who I never imagined myself being with has become my best friend.  I can’t imagine my life without him.  I can say without a shadow of doubt that this is the man I am meant to be with forever.  I love him with all of my heart and am convinced that he loves me as well.

To those of you we’ve hurt: We are truly sorry that our actions have caused such pain for you. We ask for your forgiveness and your patience as we seek to rebuild relationships.  It’s hard to rebuild bridges that have been burned, but know that our heart’s desire is to have relationships restored and by God’s grace we will achieve that.

To everyone else who has taken the time to read this: We covet your prayers. Pray for us as we seek to restore relationships. Pray that God will continue to take our broken pieces and in time turn them into something beautiful. Pray that our marriage will be a picture of the redemption that God has shown us and that for the rest of our lives people will look at us and see Him.

For those of you who are able to join us the wedding will be this Saturday, October 27 at 2pm at Grace Church. The address is 3500 Charles Blvd., Greenville, NC.

Oh, Lord, I trust Your grace; it is enough, enough for me.
In every trial I shall trace its all-sufficiency.

And, Lord, I trust Your strength; in You alone I shall be strong:
My failing flesh will learn at length a daily triumph song.

Oh, trust in God, my soul, and look into His face.
Oh, trust in God, my soul; His holy will embrace.
Then I shall stand complete and whole, a trophy of His grace
As I trust God.

Oh, Lord, I trust Your Word; it gives me hope and light to see.
The path ahead, though now obscured, will open wide for me.

Oh, Lord, I trust Your love; I feel its warm and changeless glow;
My life or death shall only prove its everlasting flow.

Oh, trust in God, my soul, and look into His face.
Oh, trust in God, my soul; His holy will embrace.
Then I shall stand complete and whole, a trophy of His grace
As I trust God.

Recap

Here I am again for my once a month blog post. Ugh. One day I will do better at this whole blogging thing. One day...there's so many things I hope to accomplish one day...
--I hope to be a faithful blogger.
--I hope to run a marathon.
--I hope to be skinny.
--I hope to be finished with school.
I digress. Here's a little recap of what's been going on...we've been sick, we've worked, we've gone to church, we've been sick, we've played enough games of Spades to last until the day we die, we've worked, we've been sick...I think you see the pattern here. We're really very boring and here recently we've been even more boring than usual. I am going to blame that whole boring thing on how much we've been sick. It's been awful. We just seem to go back and forth between stomach viruses and colds and then there was an episode where I had a horrible allergic reaction to some sort of mosquito bite and the whole trunk of my body swelled up. That was very attractive...not.
And here's a little recap in pictures since everyone would rather look at pictures than read a narrative of my boring month. :)

My weird mosquito reaction. The picture really doesn't do justice to just how bad my body really looked. 

These are my AWESOME!  Seriously can't stop eating them. So addicting!

 Gas has been around $3.90 here for a couple weeks. It's so painful every time I go fill up the car now. I need another job just to pay for the gas to get to my current job.

This is love y'all. Actually, in reality, I got this cool magnetic nail polish and he was mesmerized by how it worked. But I got a free pedicure out of the deal, so I'm not complaining. :)

I'm embracing the mix matched socks trend. It makes working in ugly green scrubs a little happier. 

I just like this picture. If you're ever in eastern NC you need to visit Union Point. It's a beautiful little park right on the water front. 

Well hello there Monday morning...

I know I should really learn to enjoy and be thankful for Monday mornings since they make up 1/7 of my life. But it's just so hard to find the motivation to get up and get going after having 2 days off with relatively little responsibility.
We spent most of this weekend doing absolutely nothing. Jeff had to work Saturday morning so that kept him busy and unable to blow up my phone and wake me up. I got to sleep until noon for the first time in months. It was wonderful! Saturday evening we babysat for a couple of friends so they could go out. We had a blast. Loaded the kids up on sugar and watched movies all evening.
Sunday we spent most of the day at church. Sundays are my most favorite days of the week...my anchor day. We've been so blessed by the ministry and people at Grace Church. I could go on and on about our love for that church and church family. It's so nice to have a church home and family . We'll be attending a new member's Sunday school class for the month of September and then, Lord willing, we'll be officially joining the church in October.
Sunday afternoon we spent running errands, since that's the only time it seems Jeff and I are ever off work at the same time. I will NEVER NEVER NEVER...NEVER go to Walmart, Target, Staples or any similar store again the day before school starts. It was awful! I would even say it could rival Black Friday shopping.
A highlight of this weekend was while at the mall right after church. I had worn the cutest, howbeit very unpractical, shoes to church yesterday morning. And by the time we had walked the mall I was ready to cut my feet off. I really was going to try and tough it out and make it back to the car, but my sweet man noticed how bad I was limping (and I think he may have been a little embarrassed about how I was waddling through the mall trying to get some relief for my feet) ad took me to Shoe Show to get a pair of flip flops. (I got a pair of Polo flip flops that we're on clearance and 50% off clearance price for $5!! Yay for end up summer clearance!! ;)) My sweetie then walked me out to a bench in the courtyard and got on his knees and changed my shoes for me. If that's not love y'all I'm not sure what is. :)
Here's some pictures from this weekend...

I'm Back...

After almost 6 months of not posting (Wow! I've been slack!!!) I'm back! It's late and I have to be up early in the morning for work, so I'm blogging a list of some of the highlights of the past month.

1. I am now working (and living) in NC
2. I absolutely LOVE my new job! Seriously the best job I have ever had. I work in the operating room with seriously the best group of coworkers.
3. FINALLY found a church about a month or so ago after 3 months of looking. It is so nice to have a church home and family again. I never realized how much I not only needed, but CRAVED, the fellowship of believers until I went without it for awhile.
4. The past 6 months have been really rough. The past month has been especially rough, but in spite of everything God has shown His goodness to me again and in so many new ways. I've been reminded again how little my faith is.
5. My favorite song right now is "O God, My Joy". The second verse says, "O God, my joy in trial in pain I trust Your wisdom and mercy. Through suffering that Your love ordains more like Your Son You will make me." I'm learning how to really trust His wisdom and mercy. I'm a big work in progress.

So much more has happened, but for tonight those are the things that are on my mind. Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and...well, you get the picture.

Day 32-- God is Good

*post for Thursday, January 26, 2012*

Over the past month or so God has really been trying to teach me that He is good. He's good all the time even when my circumstances are far from good. God never changes, so He can't be good in the good times and then all of a sudden bad in the bad times. And not only is my God good, but He has good plans for me. Even when my actions create bad situations and the times when bad situations just happen upon us God is working it out for my good. He's good because He loves me enough to punish me when I sin. He's good because He allows me to go through trials so I learn to trust Him more than I ever have. God's plan for me is make me more like Christ, so anything He brings in my life to accomplish that purpose is good.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that

love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

Day 31--Who My God Is

*post for Wednesday, January 25, 2012*

As I continue on this journey of working through unfathomable hurt with God's help I was given some verses today about who my God is. It's easy to focus on circumstances, but what I really need to focus on is my God.

" Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.

From the end of the earth will I cry unto Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: 

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For Thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.

I will abide in Thy tabernacle forever: I will trust in the covert of Thy wings.

Selah."

Psalm 61:1-4

The passage starts out with, "My heat is overwhelmed." There is no better way to describe to what I'm feeling right now. Even in my prayers at times all I've been able to pray is, "God, I'm overwhelmed!" I just love how the imagery in these verses describes to me who my God is to me. God is a rock to me and not just a rock, but a rock that is higher than me. When I am on a rock higher than me I'm no longer encompassed by my troubles, but rather I'm looking down on them. God is also a strong tower to me, a fortress, my enemies can't reach me to hurt me. And finally, my God covers me like a hen pulls her baby chicks to her and covers them with her wings. I can rest securely covered by my Heavenly Father.

Day 30--Promises

*post for Tuesday, January 24, 2012*

A few weeks ago I was reading the story about Sarah and Hagar in my devotions. I noticed several things reading through this account this time that I've never really paid attention to before. The first thing I noticed was the humanness of all the characters. I think sometimes we imagine Bible characters as characters from a fairy tale, but in reality they are, or were, real people just like us. As I was reading I kind of felt sympathy towards Hagar. After all, she was only doing what her mistress had told her to do and yet even her blessing was somewhat of a curse. I also kind of sympathized when Sarah when she dealt harshly with Hagar. Let's face it...2 women and 1 man NEVER ends well in any situation. I can imagine Sarah was extremely jealous of the fact that Hagar had conceived when she hadn't been able to. And Sarah was probably jealous of the fact that another woman had part of her husband. I mean, wouldn't any of us be jealous and react harshly if another woman was with our husband for any reason??
I think the most important lesson I've learned from this story though is that God has a plan for each of us individually. When we think of the covenant God made with Abraham we tend to just think of it including God, Abraham and Isaac. But in reality, Sarah was very much a part of the promise too. Hagar did have a son and if God had chosen He could have fulfilled His promise through Hagar's son, but He didn't. God fulfilled His promise to Abraham through Sarah. Sarah had been hurt a choice that she foolishly made and a choice that both Abraham and Hagar followed through with, but yet God still fulfilled His plan and His promise to Sarah. The thought that has really impacted me the most is this...the same God that fulfilled His promise to Sarah is the same God I serve today. He's the God that promised me that He has good plans for me and plans to prosper me and give me a future and a hope. People may hurt me and consequences from my own actions may hurt me and leave me devastated, but in the end my God will still fulfill His promises to me. I just need to trust Him and stop trying to do things in my own strength. I truly believe that God in His providence allowed me to read this story a few weeks ago so I would already have it in my head and my heart when my current circumstances arose. This particular truth has been one that I have clung to in the past few days.